We tore the calendar from the wall before the old year was even spent, ready to look forward instead of back. 2018 was a year of days; some good, some bad, but generally the foggy grey area in between.
“Who will choose the next calendar?” My daughter asks this, all six years of righteousness showing in the way her chest is thrust forward. Surely, it must be her time to shine. Perhaps we could look at pictures of Paw Patrol for a year?
“Me”, I reply.
“That’s not fair.” Hands on hips, indignant.
I’m not sure I believe in fairness.
Is it fair when a young man passes away unexpectedly doing an event for charity? This man died in 2018, and left behind a wife and children. It was a friend of someone close to us.
Is it fair when a waiter’s only crime is his voice and he is hassled by a group of males and females? They joked that his accent sounded vegan, or perhaps bi-sexual. He joked along, good-humoured, but they didn’t stop. They asked him if he had come out yet. Sitting at the next table in a suburban cafĂ©, I felt sick. I can’t stop thinking about it, and it makes me feel ashamed of the attitudes in this country.
Is it fair when you make all the ‘right’ choices and your health gets worse? I have been told I have IBS, and have chronic pain from sciatica. To manage this, I’m on a very restrictive diet of bowel-friendly foods – no onion, garlic, hardly any fruit, wheat or dairy. It makes it difficult to go out and eat, and when I do, I’m seen as the picky one with the ‘lifestyle allergies’.
I know I need to stay active, despite the pain. I’ve been doing strength training as well as yoga, and walking the dog. Yet the pain worsened this year until it came to a head just before Christmas. I couldn’t walk.
Life’s not fair. We know this. The distribution of wealth, privilege, education are all unfair, if you take into account who deserves the most, who gives the most. Taxes, rates, fees and rent are all charged on an unfair basis. Should war veterans have everything paid for? Single parent families don’t pay less rent, although perhaps they deserve to.
But is fairness one of these great lies we have to perpetuate, like the existence of the tooth fairy?
I can’t tell my daughter, I’m sorry love, life is not fair. Sharing your Barbies doesn’t always mean you get a biscuit, or even that your friend will be nice. Sometimes, siblings get different presents, because they are different people. The child that never speaks up in class, doesn’t get their name put in the treat jar as a reward for good behaviour.
Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you do, someone up there will chuck you on the naughty list. Understanding this brings the end of childish innocence. I hope she doesn’t realize this too soon.
Aww man.. the way you end this actually gets me teary eyed. I want to give you a big hug! Consider this perspective from someone who has faced traumas to the extent of memory repression and then had that memory repression taken advantage of. Life is cerainly not about what we deserve it’s about how we deal with the things we don’t deserve (both good and bad).. and that’s where we build our true inner strength. It’s why we incarnate. We don’t come to this world to experience fairness.
Aww thankyou, you’re right of course. That incident with the waiter just made me so cross, that I thought I’d write a bit of a rant.
Hope this year finds you healing.
Thankyou Eilene đź’•
Hey Kim,
Just nominated you for a Liebster Award 🙂
https://aguycalledbloke.blog/2019/01/07/liebster-award-nomination-12/
I too hope your daughter–and all of us in one sense or another–can find the fairness in all that is this complicated world we live in. Sounds like you’ve been through the ringer. Let’s ring in a good 2019 for all! I look forward to reading more from you!
I hope 2019 is a better year… and that your daughter (and all children) can remain innocent as long as possible. It’s so sad to watch it slipping away from them much too early.
Thanks for that, Nikki. Best to you and yours as well.
As do I. Goodbye 2018 and here’s to a creative and productive 2019! 🥂
Life really isn’t fair. i hope you have a better 2019 and you daughter gets to keep her innocence a while longer #blogcrush
Thought provoking post. We do try to impress on our kids how important fairness is and to be fair , but yes the rug is often pulled from under us without a thought for fairness at all . Great post #blogcrush