We tore the calendar from the wall before the old year was even spent, ready to look forward instead of back. 2018 was a year of days; some good, some bad, but generally the foggy grey area in between.
“Who will choose the next calendar?” My daughter asks this, all six years of righteousness showing in the way her chest is thrust forward. Surely, it must be her time to shine. Perhaps we could look at pictures of Paw Patrol for a year?
“Me”, I reply.
“That’s not fair.” Hands on hips, indignant.
I’m not sure I believe in fairness.
Is it fair when a young man passes away unexpectedly doing an event for charity? This man died in 2018, and left behind a wife and children. It was a friend of someone close to us.
Is it fair when a waiter’s only crime is his voice and he is hassled by a group of males and females? They joked that his accent sounded vegan, or perhaps bi-sexual. He joked along, good-humoured, but they didn’t stop. They asked him if he had come out yet. Sitting at the next table in a suburban café, I felt sick. I can’t stop thinking about it, and it makes me feel ashamed of the attitudes in this country.
Is it fair when you make all the ‘right’ choices and your health gets worse? I have been told I have IBS, and have chronic pain from sciatica. To manage this, I’m on a very restrictive diet of bowel-friendly foods – no onion, garlic, hardly any fruit, wheat or dairy. It makes it difficult to go out and eat, and when I do, I’m seen as the picky one with the ‘lifestyle allergies’.
I know I need to stay active, despite the pain. I’ve been doing strength training as well as yoga, and walking the dog. Yet the pain worsened this year until it came to a head just before Christmas. I couldn’t walk.
Life’s not fair. We know this. The distribution of wealth, privilege, education are all unfair, if you take into account who deserves the most, who gives the most. Taxes, rates, fees and rent are all charged on an unfair basis. Should war veterans have everything paid for? Single parent families don’t pay less rent, although perhaps they deserve to.
But is fairness one of these great lies we have to perpetuate, like the existence of the tooth fairy?
I can’t tell my daughter, I’m sorry love, life is not fair. Sharing your Barbies doesn’t always mean you get a biscuit, or even that your friend will be nice. Sometimes, siblings get different presents, because they are different people. The child that never speaks up in class, doesn’t get their name put in the treat jar as a reward for good behaviour.
Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you do, someone up there will chuck you on the naughty list. Understanding this brings the end of childish innocence. I hope she doesn’t realize this too soon.